Well, it’s been a hot minute again, hasn’t it? I was so motivated to write last Fall and then poof, just as fast as that motivation hit me, it went away again. For several months. I have definitely had thoughts of popping on here with an update from time to time, but it just hasn’t happened for one reason or another. I found some inspiration today though, as a good friend has started blogging, and after I read her first post I felt a strong pull to sit down and type some words. So here I am. This could be the first of several posts in a row again, or maybe it’ll be months before I come back. It’s my space and I make the rules.
Can I summerize everything that’s happened since my last post in October? Honestly….there hasn’t been anything terribly Earth shattering or exciting. It was winter. Another pandemic winter. We pretty much hunkered down. We’re still slowly getting ready for our move which should be happening in June or July. Oliver has been rocking second grade, naturally. Nate and I turned 40….
40. Can we talk about that for a minute? When I was younger, I used to think I was going to just dread 40. I thought of it as old I suppose. But honestly, the closer I got to turning 40, the more I was looking forward to it. I think I was so ready to leave behind my 30s. My 30s were not a bad decade necessarily – I became a mom, we had a chance to do some traveling, we celebrated 10 years of marriage, we finally started doing things around the house, there were some really, really good things. But, there were a lot of less than great things too. Relationships changes, losing people in my life that I thought were going to be part of my story forever but were really just a chapter, and then losing myself a little bit for awhile and finding myself again. No matter what, I regret nothing. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, for better or worse, I came out of my 30s a much stronger person than I was going in.
And now? I’ve been 40 for just a few months and let me tell you. I freaking love it. I have this confidence I don’t think I’ve had since I was a kid. I was joking with a friend that this is my Fearless 40s. I’m trying things and kind of just no longer giving a shit about what anyone thinks. For example, I’ve been a bit more adventurous with my fashion choices (within reason because hi, I work in City Government) and my hairstyle. I started posting outfits not just on my Instagram but I started a Tik Tok channel too. Yes, this old lady is mingling with the teeny boppers and guess what? It’s so fun! I’ve started recording myself playing my ukulele and started an Instagram page to start sharing those videos. Am I a world class ukulele player? Hell no, but I have fun and that’s what matters.
I’m embracing self care more than I ever have before. I’m setting healthy boundaries. I am really starting to say no to things I don’t want to do. I have said for years that it’s important to do that, but I would always fall back into the old habits. Now I truly think about it before I commit to something. I spend time with people who lift me up and fuel my soul and I spend less time with emotional and energy sucking vampires. Sure, maybe that sounds harsh, but life is too short and I cannot give my time to people who want to drag me down and only be in the muck. We’re allowed to have bad days, Lord knows I have them, but seriously, I can’t live down in Crabbytown.
So I guess that’s what the last several months have been about. I’ve been hibernating but also kind of reflecting and figuring out who I want to be. In fact, that’s my word of the year this year “BE”. I have decided I just want to to BE. I’m no longer trying to fit into spaces that are not comfortable. I’m not changing anything about myself. I’m just going to be. And so far, it feels pretty damn good. If this is what my 40s are going to be like, I’m 100 percent here for it.
And on we go. Stay tuned. Maybe I’ll post again before six months go by!