Yesterday I drafted a rant post about my feelings on everything pandemic and life and I decided to not post it. It was filled with a lot of rage and cuss words and the more I thought about it the more I felt it wasn’t appropriate. I’m sure it was going to ruffle a few feathers too. So, I have saved it in drafts but it won’t see the light of day. It was very cathartic to do though. I’ll try a gentler approach today in what I was trying to say.
I’ve been rather crabby lately and I think I have finally figured out why. I’m tired. I’m tired of *gestures around* all of this. The pandemic. Mother Nature’s wrath through fires and hurricanes. Politics. So much fighting and ugliness, especially on the Internet. It is just freaking exhausting.
We chose to skip the State Fair this year. I am not judging those who still go, for us it was a personal and difficult choice, but since had had an opportunity to go to a smaller “Kick Off to the Summer” event at the Fair back in late May, we decided we could miss our cheese curds for now. But I hate it. I really, really hate it. It feels so strange to see everyone there and not be part of it. Extreme FOMO over here. But we made our choice and we’re sticking to it. Anyway, this is not helping my mood.
More than anything, I think it’s social media getting me down. I watched a friend get attacked on Twitter yesterday for expressing her desire to go back to working in the office (she’s still WFM) because she is close to her co-workers and some of them are like family to her and she misses them. That’s valid in my eyes, I don’t blame her one bit. But man alive did that hit a nerve with people. Someone had to audacity to tell her she needs to spend time with her own family and not her work family. Someone else told her she needs to get a hobby. I was just blown away by some of the responses. Look, I know a lot of people who love working from home and would prefer to never go back to full time office work, but there are plenty of people – myself included – who really do prefer separating home from work. It’s better for my mental health. I enjoy the people I work with and the interactions I get. I would not mind some kind of hybrid of work in office and work at home, but overall I prefer the office. But I’m not going to tell someone who works from home that their way is wrong. So, I guess I think those of us who prefer working in the office deserve the same courtesy?
That’s the problem with social media though – judgement. Everywhere you turn there is so much judgement. The pandemic has done nothing but fuel the already burning fire of judgement. I’m trying so hard to not judge. Do I have opinions about masks and vaccines and what I think would be best? Of course. But I’m trying to keep it to myself. Unless you are someone taking those horse medications instead of getting the vaccine. If anyone I know is actually doing this I will absolutely tell you you’re being an idiot.
I have realized I need to slow my scroll. I have to stop spending so much time on social media before it makes me crazy. Of course this is easier said than done when it’s a way to stay connected to people, especially in these pandemic times when get togethers are fewer and farther in between. I’ve done some curating of my feeds, trying to wittle it down so I’m only seeing posts I truly want to see. Let me tell you, that is a lot of work, but it’s worth it.
So, that’s where I’m at. I know that we’ll eventually adapt to this new normal, but I think we’re still in the thick of it. As I mentioned in my self care post earlier this month, life is heavy right now. It’s ok to feel the feels, so I’m letting myself do just that. And then I’ll dust myself off, do some self care and keep going. I may have lost a lot of faith in humanity, but that’s the very reason I can’t just sit back and wallow. I need to put some good back out in the world. My goal is to find one good thing each day and try to share it in some format. Try and make social media positive again. One day at a time my friends. One day at a time.