Birthday Reflections 2019
Hey hey, it’s my birthday! Today I am 38. As I do every year, I always take my birthday to reflect on my life over the past year and what’s happened, how I have or haven’t grown and where I’m going from here. Let me tell you something. I thought 36 was my year of learning lessons and growth and all that jazz and that 37 was going to be where I got to flourish. My word of 2019 is shine after all. I took my 36th year to nourish myself and 37 was going to be my year to burst forth and bloom. Well….37 came along and instead said, oh hey 36, hold my beer. I’m not saying 37 was a bad year. I wouldn’t say it 100% turned out how I expected it to either. Some things that happened this year really took me by surprise and caught me off guard and it took some time to figure out how to deal with them. Many of them were not in my control, which is something that is hard for me.
The other thing is that I kind of undid a lot of what I worked so hard on in 2018 by nourishing myself. I let go of a bunch of responsibilities that didn’t bring me joy this year…only to fill them up with others. I got wrapped up in making everyone else around me happy (enneagram 2 represent over here!) and kind of forgetting that I need to make myself happy too. It took some really stressful moments this Fall to wake me up and remind myself that I matter and I am important and I deserve happiness just like everyone else does.
So where does that leave me? Well as I said, 37 wasn’t all bad. I had great moments this year, fun times and good memories. All those other things I talked about above? They were lessons I needed to learn and some truths I needed to face. I have zero regrets. Instead I am focused and woken up to who I want to be and who I truly am. 38 is going to be about me. It might sound selfish but it’s what I need to do. I already have a vision for 2020 and what my word of the year and path will be.
With age comes wisdom. I’m getting closer to 40 and you know what, it doesn’t scare me. As Rob Thomas sings in his newest song “I’m not afraid of getting older, I’m one less day from dying young.” Dang straight. And I got a lot of living to do and I’m going to do it out loud and by my rules and I am not afraid of what others will think anymore. Who am I? Well, I wrote this on an Instagram introduction post about myself about a month ago “I’m an extroverted introvert, I’m awkward and awesome, broken and beautiful and wonderfully weird and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” This is me. This is 38. And you know what? It feels pretty damn great.