Reflections at 36
It’s not my birthday until Saturday, but I wanted to write a birthday reflection post today as I’ll be taking off the rest of the week from the blog to celebrate Thanksgiving and birthdays and spend time with my family.
This year I’ll be 36. And like most years around my birthday I find myself reflecting on the last year and taking stock of myself and my life and any wisdom gained or lessons learned. And the most growing and learning I’ve done this year have honestly been in the last month or two. What have I learned? How to take care of myself and what I need to do to be happy. This is going to be a huge part of my word of the year and goal for 2018, but there’ll be more to come on that later.
I had been feeling so stressed and drained and stretched in every which direction for a time this year. After talking with both my mom and Nate I realized I needed to take a Marie Kondo approach to my activities – if it isn’t bringing me joy, it has to go. So, I let go of two obligations in the last month and let me tell you, the weight lifted has been huge. It was like this elephant was sitting on my chest and it’s gone now.
I also realized, I can’t make everyone happy. I’m not ice cream. I need to make my immediate family happy and I need to make myself happy. At the end of the day, they’re the people who matter most. And it’s ok to focus on me. I worry so much about taking care of everyone else that I neglect to take care of myself. I’m finally doing that.
I’ve also truly accepted my body, flaws and all. I’m not a size 6 anymore. I’m a size 10 and I’m average and that’s ok. I love all 140 pounds of myself. My cystic acne will never truly go away, but that’s what makeup is for and my scars make me unique. I’m figuring out how to work with my hair as it grows out. And you know what? I feel pretty. I’m a freaking Unicorn, darn it!
So. That’s where I am. I have found my happiness in loving myself and taking care of myself and being gentle with myself. It’s ok to put myself first. It’s not selfish. We all only get one life. And I’m going to live mine my way.
To all my US friends, I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving! Be safe and have fun. I am thankful for all of you. I’ll be back on Monday to kick off the holiday season!