Just Write – The Door

I did a little just write activity again. I needed to process some feelings I had on something that happened a couple of weeks ago. This is the result. Writing is so cathartic.

The Door

A couple of years ago I shut the door to a place that wasn’t very good for me. It was literally sucking the life out of me and I realized I’d be better off in a different place. So I shut the door and walked away. But I made one huge mistake.

I didn’t lock it.

And I could still see into this other place through these filtered windows. Sometimes I’d pass by the windows and feel sad, other times I could pass by them and not really look into them at all.

Then this summer, just when I was least expecting it, the door opened a crack. Something said, hey, come on in here again. I felt that because I had reached Happy Place and Good Place I was strong enough to do it. So I did. It was a little awkward and uncomfortable at first, but it slowly felt familiar and I started remembering the good memories of this place. I felt I could be in this place, maybe not all the time again, but I could be there and experience peace and even enjoy myself. So, I left the door open. I took the filters off the windows.

I started being able to pass by the windows and the open door and not cringe or feel like I had to run away. Until one day I passed by the window and got a glimpse of something that made me sadder than I’d like to admit. Yet, I needed a closer look.

I then peaked in through the door and realized that nothing had changed at all. And that I was foolish for thinking that they had. I didn’t belong in this place anymore. And it was clear that this place belonged to others now.

I dwelled on this for about a day, let it take me away from my Happy and Good Place for just a little bit. But then I picked myself up, dusted myself off, walked right over to that door.

And slammed it shut.

This time, I locked it. I didn’t throw away the key, but I put it someplace that will make me have to truly think about if I want to unlock it again. Those windows are still there, but the filters are back and are darker, making it harder to see in.

The difference between the first time I closed that door and closing the door now is I’m stronger. I have the knowledge that I’m better off on this side of the door. Happy and Good Place are far too important to me, I worked hard to get there and that’s where I’m going to stay.  The other side of that door is still part of my history and I have no regrets for the time spent there. But once we close certain doors, I know now that it’s best if that is how they remain. With age comes wisdom.

13 thoughts on “Just Write – The Door

  1. What a beautiful metaphor this is, Beth, and so very true. You are absolutely right with that last line about wisdom coming with age. Takes some a lifetime to learn that lesson! I think sometimes we want to think that things have changed and that we can keep certain portals available, but old habits die hard.

    Anyway, truly enjoyed reading this today, sweet friend <3

    1. Thank you my sweet! I always get nervous about posting something more deep like this, but I’m trying to get braver about it! So thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it! <3 <3

  2. I love writing. It is so therapeutic. I love that quote “A closed door can be a good thing.” Sometimes it’s important to let go of things that are just not good for you and start fresh. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I love this, Beth! And I can so relate to it, too. I closed the door on a bad situation at the beginning of summer. Unfortunately, I still have people there so I get peeks through it, but all that those peeks do is reinforce that it’s not a place for me to be.

  4. Oh man, this is so relatable. Whether it be with toxic friendships or even toxic relationships with THINGS (e.g. food for me!), this is all too real.

    Loved this piece of yours!

  5. Ain’t that the truth, wisdom comes with age and experience. Thankfully many of the doors I’ve slammed remain shut but there are some that crack open again from time to time.

    I think my biggest downfall is having faith in and trusting people far too easily, and it has come back to bite me in the ass so many times. I think it boils down to giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the good, but sometimes, sometime it burns and stings me and then I’m left wondering why. Why!! Because I do this to myself. I am my own worst enemy, critic and I also stand in my own way.

    Thank you for the beautiful read and also being there for me last week.


  6. Oh, I can relate to this so much… I usually leave doors open way too long and I’ve learned with age that sometimes it’s definitely time to lock it and throw away the key.

    P.S. Comment galore ensueing… I am catching up on blogs LOL

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